Archive for the ‘Don't’ Category

Apropos Of Nothing

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

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Only In Lost Angeles (Filed Under: Ew)

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

Anthropologie March 2010

I have a dog. A really big dog. I love him very much, but…he is not a person – he is a dog. This is why I do not a) put clothing on him b) push him around in a stroller or c) take him to a mall, outdoors or otherwise. This past weekend I met a friend for lunch at The Grove. For those of you unfamiliar with The Grove, it is an outdoor mall that is packed on the weekends, usually with a slew of families and your requisite L.A. ‘It Girls,’ many with tiny pups in tow. Most of these mini-pooches are tucked neatly into a Louis Vuitton doggie purse, or nestled into the aforementioned stroller…usually.

My friend E and I couldn’t help but notice what seems to be a new phenomenon; people with their big ass dogs at the mall. Upon exiting the parking structure, we stepped off the elevator literally almost into a steaming pile of dog crap, Boxer crap mind you, that an embarrassed (and rightfully so) young lady was scooping up off the main thoroughfare. With an “Ew” and an eye roll, we headed to the shoe department in Nordstrom, where in my peripheral vision I spotted what I was sure was a seeing eye dog. It wasn’t. It was some dude’s hefty black lab, on a leash, in a department store. For the love of God, why…? This certainly can’t be fun for the dog, and as a grown man you’re unable leave him at home for the two hours that you’re shopping? Baffling, but not as baffling as…Anthropolgie.

INT. ANTHROPOLOGIE – DAY

Lots of skinny cuties scarfing up over-priced Etsy designs. I move adeptly through accessories to check out the perfumes.

CUT TO

Another ginormous dog in my path. A GOLDEN F*CKING RETRIEVER. I dodge him and proceed to the line to purchase a tin of Smith’s Rosebud Salve. I strike up a conversation with the sales girl.

ME

What’s up with all the huge dogs in the stores?

SALES GIRL

(Stiffens. Apparently I’ve touched a nerve.)

I know. It’s disgusting. I stepped in a huge pile of poop the other day…INSIDE THE STORE.

ME

(Blinks)

FADE TO BLACK

Now I’m going to wager a guess and say that not a lot of people are stepping in prodigious piles of dog crap in retail stores across the nation. *SIGH* Again? Only in L.A.

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What The…?

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Moyna Black 'Fuck' Foldover Clutch $135

This sweet little bag is incredibly versatile, and would be perfect on numerous occasions. I like it for dinner at the in-laws, Junior League luncheons, or parent teacher conferences.

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Guest Blogger: Deka From “That’s Hideous!”

Friday, January 15th, 2010

I’ve wanted to feature a guest blogger on LASM for quite some time now, but had yet to come across someone that I felt was a good fit…and then I found That’s Hideous. It. Is. Love. Not only is hideous one of my most overused words, the stunning monstrosities that Deka features (including both human teeth jewelry and fetus accessories) are beyond. So get ready, because without further ado I present you with: ‘Gun Hoofs…’

Iris Schieferstein's "Gun Hoofs" (Photo Courtesy of Iris Schieferstein Via Design Milk)

Iris Schieferstein's "Gun Hoofs" (Photo Courtesy of Iris Schieferstein Via Design Milk)

German artist Iris Schieferstein is known for working with dead animal parts and piecing them together to create “a new face to death.” Because she’s an artist, I’m relieved to know that we probably won’t be seeing anyone actually wearing these. I think that PETA would go crazy, and why the guns?! Schieferstein is thought provoking, but definitely a bit scary.

Deka is the founder and creative force behind That’s Hideous, a fashion blog highlighting crazy design, drastically overpriced fashion and things that are just plain ugly.  She can be contacted at deka@thatshideous.com.

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*Ring Ring*

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Max Azria Silk-Georgette Reptile-Print Tunic $450

Max Azria Silk-Georgette Reptile-Print Tunic $450

“Hello…?”

‘Hi, may I please speak to Max?’

“May I ask who’s calling?”

‘Mrs. Roper.’

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The Babysitters Here Grab The Beerbong And Let’s Get Outta Here

Friday, December 18th, 2009

the-babysitters-here-grab-the-beerbong-and-lets-get-outta-herenataliedee.com

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What The Fug, Phil…?

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

3.1 Phillip Lim Metallic Lamé Harem Shorts $350

3.1 Phillip Lim Metallic Lamé Harem Shorts $350

Does that say lamé? Or lame? The words harem and shorts should not be used in conjunction – ever. These are the visual equivalent of accidentally stapling your thumb.


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Ed Hardy ‘Tanya’ Satchel (Filed Under ‘Ew’)

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Ed Hardy Large 'Tanya' Satchel in Gold $139

Ed Hardy Large 'Tanya' Satchel in Gold $139

Um, pretty sure he knocked off a Foley + Corinna Metallic City Tote and popped one of his douche-y looking tattoos on it. It’s exhausting. What the hell does ‘Love Kills Slowly’ even mean? I’m surprised he didn’t opt to use the same tattoo that’s on his back – his logoenjoy!

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Shoes Are Terrible

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

www.marriedtothesea.com
www.marriedtothesea.com

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Halloween ‘79: Village People Or Moonraker?

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Photo Credit: Collegeville Costume Catalog Via PlaidStallions.com

Photo Credit: Collegeville Costume Catalog Via PlaidStallions.com

1979 was a tough Halloween year for dudes – Felipe? Glenn, perhaps? Jaws is a tad unnerving, but damn that plastic 007 is foxy!! Many a coin was flipped, I’m sure.

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