Anthropologie March 2010

I have a dog. A really big dog. I love him very much, but…he is not a person – he is a dog. This is why I do not a) put clothing on him b) push him around in a stroller or c) take him to a mall, outdoors or otherwise. This past weekend I met a friend for lunch at The Grove. For those of you unfamiliar with The Grove, it is an outdoor mall that is packed on the weekends, usually with a slew of families and your requisite L.A. ‘It Girls,’ many with tiny pups in tow. Most of these mini-pooches are tucked neatly into a Louis Vuitton doggie purse, or nestled into the aforementioned stroller…usually.

My friend E and I couldn’t help but notice what seems to be a new phenomenon; people with their big ass dogs at the mall. Upon exiting the parking structure, we stepped off the elevator literally almost into a steaming pile of dog crap, Boxer crap mind you, that an embarrassed (and rightfully so) young lady was scooping up off the main thoroughfare. With an “Ew” and an eye roll, we headed to the shoe department in Nordstrom, where in my peripheral vision I spotted what I was sure was a seeing eye dog. It wasn’t. It was some dude’s hefty black lab, on a leash, in a department store. For the love of God, why…? This certainly can’t be fun for the dog, and as a grown man you’re unable leave him at home for the two hours that you’re shopping? Baffling, but not as baffling as…Anthropolgie.

INT. ANTHROPOLOGIE – DAY

Lots of skinny cuties scarfing up over-priced Etsy designs. I move adeptly through accessories to check out the perfumes.

CUT TO

Another ginormous dog in my path. A GOLDEN F*CKING RETRIEVER. I dodge him and proceed to the line to purchase a tin of Smith’s Rosebud Salve. I strike up a conversation with the sales girl.

ME

What’s up with all the huge dogs in the stores?

SALES GIRL

(Stiffens. Apparently I’ve touched a nerve.)

I know. It’s disgusting. I stepped in a huge pile of poop the other day…INSIDE THE STORE.

ME

(Blinks)

FADE TO BLACK

Now I’m going to wager a guess and say that not a lot of people are stepping in prodigious piles of dog crap in retail stores across the nation. *SIGH* Again? Only in L.A.